MY LATE NIGHT DIGITAL STORY EPISODE #7

April 18th, 2010

1. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36518725/ns/us_news/

LAS CRUCES, N.M. – Authorities said a 30-year-old man was arrested for allegedly using a marijuana bong to set his mobile home on fire.

Authorities were most surprised that it happened away from his parent’s basement.

2. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36490120/ns/entertainment-movies/

LOS ANGELES – An ad has caused outrages that features Shrek and friends in a bizarrely metrosexual photo spread for a men’s magazine ahead of the release of the fourth installment in the hugely popular animated feature franchise.

And that isn’t the worst part, reportedly next week Shrek is going to be posing full frontal in “Green Buns and Ammo”

3.http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b176830_source_elin_over_tiger.html

A source for E News claims, “Elin Woods is over Tiger”

Which begs the question, who is under Tiger right now?

4. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36593375/ns/us_news/

ATLANTIC CITY, N.J. – Students at New Jersey’s Atlantic City High School have learned not to mess with the lunch ladies.Cafeteria workers served only cheese sandwiches Wednesday and Thursday as punishment for a food fight.

The worst part of the punishment? It took place in Jersey

5. http://backseatcuddler.com/2010/04/18/lindsay-lohan-goes-xxx-for-new-movie-role-inferno-porno-linda-lovelace-deep-throat/

Lindsay Lohan has landed herself a movie role people!  This time it is as far from her Herbie movie as you can get.  Lilo is going to be going XXX as Linda Lovelace in the new movie, Inferno, Gossip Cop reports.

Reportedly she is preparing for the role by being herself.

6.http://www.eonline.com/uberblog/b176925_larry_kings_divorce_full_steam_ahead.html#ixzz0lTjzBG3v

There are rumors that Larry King had an affair with his wife’s younger sister, the source insists that there was a close relationship and flirting but “Larry never had sex with her.”

Apparently the pharmacy had already closed that night

MUSICAL GUEST

Tom Waits- Fallin Down

MY LATE NIGHT DIGITAL STROY, EPISODE #6

April 13th, 2010

VIAGRA AND CIALIS ADS HAVE TAKEN OVER MY BLOG. I GUESS ITS APPROPRIATE BECAUSE MAYBE IT WILL HELP SOMEONE GET EXCITED ABOUT MY BLOG.

That is all.

MY LATE NIGHT DIGITAL STORY, EPISODE #5

April 4th, 2010
  1. http://www.nbcaugusta.com/news/local/88217097.html

A New Jersey woman has claimed that she wants to be the largest woman in the world and receives free food from encouraging fans.

She said none of it would be possible without the help of her mentor, jabba the hut.

That was stupid

2. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36135320/ns/politics-more_politics/

It turns out the RNC inadvertently listed a phone-sex number on a fundraising letter sent to potential donors. People who tried to call the committee were instead offered “live, one-on-one talk with a nasty girl” for $2.99 a minute.

Males who called in said it was the best donation they’ve ever made

3. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36135362/ns/us_news/

MEDFORD, Ore. – The people who witnessed a robbery attempt at an Oregon convenience store didn’t need to describe the muggers. They just needed to point. The two men accused of trying to rob someone at knifepoint were arrested when they returned to get their car while officers were interviewing witnesses.

The men said they that was only the second worst thing that happened to them while they were in a Toyota.

4. http://www.wlfi.com/dpps/news/strange/calif-woman-gets-6-months-for-fake-breasts-heist_3296829

WESTMINSTER, Calif. (AP) – An Orange County woman’s new breasts cost her six months in jail. The woman was sentenced Monday in Westminster for using a fraudulent line of credit to obtain $12,000 in cosmetic surgery, including breast implants and liposuction.

When asked if she had any regrets, she replied “I should have gone two sizes bigger.”

5. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36427814/ns/us_news-weird_news/

Stern, serious, socialist North Korea has carved out a spot in TV history for having one of the world’s longest running comedy shows, despite it being mostly devoid of jokes for the decades it has been on the air. “Its hard to find the humor,” said one South Korean who monitors the North’s broadcast.

The only thing less funny: Colin Klalo’s “My Late Night Digital Story Blogs”

MUSICAL GUEST

Townes Van Zandt- Catfish Song

MY LATE NIGHT DIGITAL STORY EPISODE #4

March 30th, 2010

1) http://www.usmagazine.com/moviestvmusic/news/spencer-pratt-admits-heidi-montag-was-a-diva-at-photo-shoot-2010293

After undergoing extensive plastic surgery, Heidi Montag is making it know that she I now a film star and is now set to make a cameo role in the romantic comedy “Just Go With It,” starring Jennifer Aniston.

The role? It is reported that she will be playing a mannequin in a shop window.

2) http://www.usmagazine.com/celebritynews/news/ricky-martin-yes-im-gay-2010293

Ricky Martin is opening up about his sexuality and publicly admitting that he is in fact gay.

In other obvious news, Paris Hilton has publicly admitted that she is a tramp.

3) http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/36055264/ns/us_news/

Police say they charged a Pennsylvania man with public drunkenness after he was seen putting his mouth up to a long-dead opossum along a highway in attempts to save it.

The man said after he had had a few drinks, the possum started to look really good.

4)http://www.oregonlive.com/news/index.ssf/2010/03/legislator_wants_prisons_free.html

Prison could get more prim in Oregon if a state legislator succeeds in his push to ban all sexual material.

Yes, it would be so much more prim for prisoners to resort to other means to get out there sexual frustrations.

5)http://www.poughkeepsiejournal.com/article/20100329/NEWS01/3290317/1006/news01

Peter Facinelli, who plays Carlisle Cullen in the outrageously popular Twilight series, is on a tour to help ill children.

Reportedly he makes them feel better by not showing them Twilight.

6) http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/mike-tyson-ruffles-peta-feathers-with-pigeon-show/19408814

An animal welfare group wants New York City prosecutors to investigate Mike Tyson’s reality television show about pigeon racing. People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals says the Brooklyn-based show is cruel to animals and its races could involve illegal gambling.

Peta said it was first suspicious when one of the pigeons was missing an ear. (if pigeons have ears)

MUSICAL GUEST

Bob Dylan- Chimes of Freedon

MY LATE NIGHT DIGITAL STORY, EPISODE #3

March 23rd, 2010

1.   http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35895865/ns/world_news-europe/

The Swiss Daily Blick reported that a fire in an apartment used for transsexual prostitution forced a naked Swiss man onto a window ledge.

Firefighters said that they were able to put out the flame inside but were unable to put out the mans

2.   http://content.usatoday.com/communities/ondeadline/post/2010/03/wsj-madoff-beaten-up-by-fellow-inmate-in-dispute-over-money/1

Bernie Maddoff is in the news again. He is famous for being caught embezzling billions of dollars and then sentenced to federal prison by a judge. Now, in jail, Madoff was beaten up in December by an inmate at his North Carolina prison in an apparent dispute over money.

Of course now that he’s in prison the currency is cigarettes and sentencing takes place in the showers

3.   http://www.whtm.com/news/stories/0310/718018.html

A burglar entered a fast food restaurant in Cumberland County through the drive-thru window early Friday and removed money from the safe, according to police.

Luckily the most important part of any Taco Bell, toilet paper, went untouched.

4.  http://theblemish.com/2010/03/heidi-montags-dds-get-her-a-job/

Spencer Pratt was asked to leave The Hills for 6 weeks because he threatened to kill a producer when they asked Pratt to do something he didn’t want to.

That thing they asked him to do- not to be a huge douche. It was too much for him to handle.

5.   http://www.ukmedix.com/impotence/men_do_it_for_longer_than_women_says_study5330.cfm

The british medical journal recently conducted a study concluding that men stay sexually active longer than women.

In a similar study, it was found that older men are more likely to take really long showers alone.

6. Health care is in the news.

It is reported that Nancy Pulosi will have her plastic surgeon on hand to induce a smile on her face if the bill passes.

MUSICAL GUEST- Joan Baez

Joan Baez- The Long Black Veil

MY LATE NIGHT DIGITAL STORY, EPISODE #2

March 14th, 2010

1.http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35780790/ns/business-media_biz/

Lindsay Lohan has sued E*Trade Financial Corp for $100 million, saying a “milkaholic” baby girl who appeared in a recent commercial was modeled after her. Her lawyer claims the the ad improperly invoked Lohan’s “likeness, name, characterization, and personality” without permission, violating her right of privacy.

No word on how she found out if the baby was an alcoholic coke- head lesbian who wears no underwear

2. http://today.msnbc.msn.com/id/35778477/ns/today-today_food_and_wine/

A New York chef has begun making cheese out of his wife’s breast milk.

When men tried the milk, there overwhelming response was “less cheese, more boob”

3. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35749075/ns/us_news/

A dispute turned violent in a Mcdonalds parking lot between two men fighting over the same parking space.

Luckily the fight did not last long as both of the men ran out of breath after 15 seconds.

4. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35803972/ns/us_news/

Second-degree burglary charges have been filed against an Ames man who broke into a church where he allegedly used the institution’s electronic equipment to watch pornography.

In all fairness the woman in the video was yelling, “oh god, oh god”

5. http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/35822457/ns/health-more_health_news/
A union representing Dutch nurses in Amsterdam will launch a national campaign Friday against demands for sexual services by patients who claim it should be part of their standard care.

In related news, the sickness in Amsterdam among men has dropped a staggering 75%.

6. http://www.aolnews.com/weird-news/article/vancouvers-sex-workers-had-an-amazing-two-weeks/19379726

A longtime Vancouver escort service said their business tripled during the Olympic Winter Games.

This excited escort service workers in Rio De Janeiro, the cite of the 2016 Summer Olympics where golf will be a featured sport and Tiger Woods is likely to be attendance.

MUSICAL GUEST

Neil Young- Journey Through The Past

MY LATE NIGHT DIGITAL STORY, EPISODE #1

March 6th, 2010

-The jersey shore class has of course left MTV under much scrutiny from the state of New Jersey as well as many Italian American groups.
Now that the hit show is off the air, New Jersey can now return to the class it is known for.

-Bill Clinton checked out of the hospital recently after recent heart surgery. Yea, he said he was fine, and from now on he is going to make a 2 girl per night limit.

-Word is that Kirstie alley is not too pleased with former host of the tonight show Conan O’briens jokes pertaining to her weight. When Conan heard this, he immediately apologized and sent her a basket of cured meats. She is no longer angry.

-Former president Bill Clinton admits he’ll “probably” tear up on his daughter’s big day, not because he was so happy, but because he can’t decide between having a threesome with 2 of the bridesmaids or watch his daughter get married.

-This is true. A Louisiana woman admits to selling her two children for a bird and 175 dollars. When Angelina Jolie heard this, she reportedly asked, “does she have any more children for sale.”

-Cliff High School students studying World War I history saw a few seconds of pornography during viewing of a video about the 1919 Treaty of Versailles. A History Channel program apparently had been recorded over a porn tape. Yea, many of the students said they were most shocked when they found out that Russia was on our side.

-Dick Chaney had a fifth heart attack recently. Doctors say he would be dead if his heart was not the most irrelevant part of his body

-Not to worry if Jim Groom becomes suddenly incapacitated. We can call Adam from Mythbusters.

-A newlywed Massachusetts couple spent their wedding night in separate jail cells after police said the bride tried to run over an old flame of the groom. The man was un-phased because he still got to have sex on his wedding night.

MUSICAL GUEST- JEFF TWEEDY

Jeff Tweedy- Is That The Thanks I Get